Michelle Ford cannot remember ever feeling like a normal person.

"I always thought there was just something wrong with me," she said. "When I found out I had brain damage, I was so relieved to find out nothing was really wrong with me. I was just brain-damaged. I wasn't crazy. There was an explanation for what was wrong, and it wasn't my fault."

Michelle, 30, was 22 when she was diagnosed with alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder, a condition that is related to fetal alcohol syndrome.

The diagnosis was made after she was arrested for her role in the murder of a hiker in Glacier National Forest. Michelle, an inmate at the Montana Women's Prison, has served eight years of a 30-year sentence.

Her mother, Deb Ford, drank heavily before and after Michelle was conceived. Deb didn't realize she was pregnant until 10 weeks into the pregnancy. She has been sober for 25 years.

"To me, there is a big difference between guilt and responsibility," Deb said. "I did not know I was pregnant, and I didn't know how (alcohol) caused damage. But I do feel responsible. It directly resulted from my irresponsible actions."

The Fords know now that Michelle's struggles in school and with friends were caused by brain damage. But at the time, Deb was accused of being a bad parent, and Michelle was accused by her mother and by others of being defiant.

"I think in pictures, so I have to translate pictures into words and words into pictures," Michelle said. "I don't always get the translation right."

Teachers told her again and again that she wasn't living up to her potential, but Michelle couldn't figure out how to do more than she was already doing.

"All the teachers would say, 'You're so smart, if you'd only try harder,' and I was trying as hard as I could," she said.

Even with an official diagnosis in hand, the Fords can't always convince people that Michelle's disability is real.

"There are still some people who think I'm making excuses for her," Deb said. "It's hard to tease out what is brain damage and what is willful behavior."

Michelle graduated from high school in Canada, but as is typical for someone with her disability, she made no plans for the future. Deb was frustrated and kicked her out of the house.

Michelle went to live with a family friend in Kalispell, got a job at a fast-food restaurant and made friends with people she described as stoners.

"I fit in with them," she said. "I didn't have to try hard to communicate because I didn't have to communicate with them. They treated me like I was smart and special."

One of those people was 21-year-old Brian Holliday, a man whom Michelle sometimes dated.

Michelle was living with Holliday in the wilderness when he shot and killed a 36-year-old hiker from New Mexico named Randall Bravo. Holliday was sentenced to 90 years in prison after pleading guilty to the murder.

Michelle also pleaded guilty to playing a role in the crime and says she is rightly behind bars.

Even though she thinks she probably would not have become involved with a person like Holliday if she had a normal brain, she does not blame her mother for what happened.

"I know if my mom hadn't drank when she was pregnant with me, I wouldn't be this way, so, yes, it's my mom's fault," Michelle said. "But she didn't know she was pregnant, and she was an alcoholic. It's my mom's fault, but I don't blame her."