Pat Bellinghausen OPINION EDITOR
When I was growing up in central Missouri, missile silos were built on all sides of my hometown. The chain-link fences and airmen in blue trucks from Whiteman Air Force Base were as much a part of the landscape as cattle and cornfields.
U.S. defense was based on a MAD theory (mutually assured destruction.) I believed my world would end if there was a nuclear war. We lived at ground zero. But it was a vague, far away kind of fear. I had never seen nuclear war.
Today, my daughter and millions of other American children have seen a new terror on television — live and over and over again. How can we help our children cope?Professional adviceI asked Andrea Fischer, a licensed clinical psychologist in Billings, who serves as mental health disaster services coordinator for the regional American Red Cross office. Fischer and a number of other Billings area psychologists, counselors and social workers have training in dealing with disasters. Her tips for parents are recommendations of the American Red Cross and the American Psychological Association.Limit media for kids. When kids do watch news programs, parents should watch with them and talk about the news.
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Maintain family routines.
Avoid unnecessary separations of parents or other primary caregivers. Children from infants to high schoolers react to trauma with increased neediness and may fear losing a parent. It’s especially important for parents to express how much they care for their children. Give them extra hugs and attention.“Reassure children that the president, police and firefighters are doing everything they can to keep us safe. Everything possible is being done to prevent this from happening again,” Fischer said.Addressing suspicionsShe urged parents to address the suspicion that the terrorist attacks are related to religious or ethnic groups. “Talk to your kids with the goal of helping them separate their anger about the tragedy from anger against a group. A few people perpetrated this. It’s important to avoid generalizing to a group.”
“Parents should expect kids to show more emotion,” Fischer continued. “They may isolate themselves or have angry outbursts or start having trouble in school.
“Get kids to talk. Answer their questions calmly and matter-of-factly. Middle schoolers, especially, may focus questions on gruesome details. That’s normal. Parents shouldn’t be alarmed. Try to answer their questions calmly.”
“If there are no more attacks, kids should start to level out in a few weeks. I would be concerned if kids didn’t start to get better in three weeks,” Fischer said.Stay vigilantWarning signs that a child needs more help to deal with trauma include: depression, tearfulness, lack of interest in activities, talking about death a lot, talking about suicide, isolation, acting out, irritability, defiance, anxiety, trouble sleeping, headaches and stomachaches.
To get a referral to a mental health professional for children or adults, contact your clergy, family physician or call the American Red Cross at (406) 245-3512.
Adults need supportive people to talk to, too. WeÂ’ve got to take care of ourselves now, so we can take good care of our kids.Pat Bellinghausen can be reached at speakup@billingsgazette.com or at (406) 657-1303.
